JAZZ SUITS

Today I entered a store that specializes in jazz suits.  After talking to Wilbur, the owner of the store, I got fitted for a jazz suit.  It's purple and yellow and makes jazzy sounds when I step.  I want to wear it to a lot of funerals.


I want to train for a marathon but I hate running.


I am going to the store later to get a box of nails so I can throw them from my window.  I like finding needles in haystacks. But first I must eat my soup.

~M~

MARBLES

I LOVE MARBLES - THEY ARE ROUND AND YOU CAN ROLL THEM.  I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY THAT YOU CAN'T ROLL BONES.


SORRY I HAVE BEEN GONE SO LONG - I HAVE GONE ON A LOT OF FETUS ADVENTURES.  I MET A TREE NAMED TERRY, A BOAT NAMED BRENT, AN ONION NAMED ORMAN, AND A FINANCIAL GURU NAMED SUZE ORMAN.  I DIDN'T MEET SUZE ORMAN, THAT WAS HYPERBOLE.


MY FAVORITE BOTTLE OF WATER IS FIJI.  I LIKE THE DESIGN OF IT AND THE SHAPE.  I CAN'T WAIT TO BE BORN SO I CAN PLAY WITH ALL THOSE BOTTLES.  THEY ARE SQUARE.  YOU CAN'T ROLL THEM. 

TOMORROW I AM GOING TO GO SIT ON A CHAIR AND THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE.  I HOPE THE CHAIR IS COMFORTABLE.  I WILL UPDATE THEN.

~M~

FATHERS

I WROTE THIS E-MAIL TO MY FATHER FOR FATHER'S DAY I FORGOT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
-----

HI DAD I WISH THE SUN WAS AN ONION

AND THE STARS WERE CROUTONS

AND THE AIR WAS OLIVES

AND THE MOON WAS CUCUMBER

AND THE SEA WAS LETTUCE

AND CHICKENS WERE CHICKEN

AND YOU WERE MY FORK AND FED ME THE WORLD

HAPPY FATHERS DAY 1 1/2 MONTHS LATE

~M~ 

FLOWER BABIES

Yesterday I ate a ham it was a good ham.  One time I went for a walk in the woods and I fond a little flower and I named it Herherherman.  Herherherman was a nice flower but sometimes Herherherman was sad because Herherherman couldn't go for walks like I could.  I pulled Herherherman out fo the ground and encouraged him to walk but he died.  Herherherman is dead. 

EMAILS TO DAD

I SENT THESE EMAILS TO DAD TODAY


I AM A FETUS WITH AN IPHONE


PEER INTO MY LIFE!!!!

~M~

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BLOG ON THE GO IM GOOD WITH LOTS OF THINGS BUT NOT WITH BLOGGING ON THE GO I ONCE HEARD A WISE MAN SAY THAT MONKEYS ON YOUR BACK MAKE YOU RUN FASTER SO ALL THE PROBLEMS I HAVE PUSH ME CLOSER TO THE LORD DO YOU HAVE ANY HUMMUS I LOVE HUMMUS IT'S MADE FROM CHICKPEAS CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICKPEAS

Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 1, 2011, at 4:39 PM, DAD wrote:

PLEASE put this on your blog. 

On Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 12:19 PM, BABY M  wrote:

FOR LUNCH I WANT TACOS THE KIND WITH SHREDDED CHEESE AND MEAT I LIKE MEAT ONE TIME I MET A COW NAMED BIG CHARLES HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND ONE DAY I HIT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND COOKED HIM AND MADE TACOS OUT OF HIM IT WAS DELICIOUS BIG CHARLES WAS THE MOST DELICIOUS FRIEND I EVER HAD I AM GOING TO A BEACH FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS BABY LOVES TO DRINK MARGARITAS THEY REALLY HELP ME LET MY HAIR DOWN SHIMMY AND JUST LIVE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DAD SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU JUST GOT TO LIVE AND NOT GIVE A SHIT YOU HEAR ME GIRL PREACH IT TO THE PEOPLE

Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 1, 2011, at 2:49 PM, DAD wrote:

Please post this on your blog.

On Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 11:47 AM, BABY M wrote:

TODAY I ATE FIVE ORANGES I LIKE ORANGES THEY ARE MY FAVORITE FOOD AFTER PILLS AND HAM I LOVE PILLS AND HAM TODAY I TRIED COFFEE MOM SAYS CAWFEE BECAUSE HE IS FROM NEW JERSEY I DIDN'T LIKE MY BARISTA HIS NAME WAS SANDY AND HE SAID I WAS TOO YOUNG FOR COFFEE AND I SAID "SUGAR THIS BITCH AIN'T TOO YOUNG FOR NOTHING" AND I SLAPPED SANDY SO HARD IN THE FACE IT MADE ME SO HAPPY I AM GOING TO RIDE A TRICYCLE TODAY I PUSHED A LITTLE KID NAMED HOWARD OFF HIS AND TOOK HIS. BYE.

Sent from my iPhone

DANCERS

I like dancers

I once met a dancing porcupine named Beezus and Beezus really knew how to move.

I like to shimmy, it burns calories and makes your joints smile like I smile when I see a sunrise, or a cliff, or a burnt piece of bread.


Tomorrow I am going to learn how to ride a whale.  I hate that.

~M~

HAMMERS

EVERY good fetus needs a collection and I have decided I want to collect hammers.

They come in a lot of shapes and I like them but mostly they come in hammer shapes.


You can pound things, put things together with nails, play a song on a wall, dance with a hammer, and you can name a hammer Williamsburg and make it you best friend.

But then one day you will come home and find Williamsburg in the hands of another and you will hate Williamsburg.


I am very warm in my mom right now, he drank a lot of wine last night and I have anice buzz.


~M~