JAZZ SUITS

Today I entered a store that specializes in jazz suits.  After talking to Wilbur, the owner of the store, I got fitted for a jazz suit.  It's purple and yellow and makes jazzy sounds when I step.  I want to wear it to a lot of funerals.


I want to train for a marathon but I hate running.


I am going to the store later to get a box of nails so I can throw them from my window.  I like finding needles in haystacks. But first I must eat my soup.

~M~

MARBLES

I LOVE MARBLES - THEY ARE ROUND AND YOU CAN ROLL THEM.  I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY THAT YOU CAN'T ROLL BONES.


SORRY I HAVE BEEN GONE SO LONG - I HAVE GONE ON A LOT OF FETUS ADVENTURES.  I MET A TREE NAMED TERRY, A BOAT NAMED BRENT, AN ONION NAMED ORMAN, AND A FINANCIAL GURU NAMED SUZE ORMAN.  I DIDN'T MEET SUZE ORMAN, THAT WAS HYPERBOLE.


MY FAVORITE BOTTLE OF WATER IS FIJI.  I LIKE THE DESIGN OF IT AND THE SHAPE.  I CAN'T WAIT TO BE BORN SO I CAN PLAY WITH ALL THOSE BOTTLES.  THEY ARE SQUARE.  YOU CAN'T ROLL THEM. 

TOMORROW I AM GOING TO GO SIT ON A CHAIR AND THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE.  I HOPE THE CHAIR IS COMFORTABLE.  I WILL UPDATE THEN.

~M~

FATHERS

I WROTE THIS E-MAIL TO MY FATHER FOR FATHER'S DAY I FORGOT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
-----

HI DAD I WISH THE SUN WAS AN ONION

AND THE STARS WERE CROUTONS

AND THE AIR WAS OLIVES

AND THE MOON WAS CUCUMBER

AND THE SEA WAS LETTUCE

AND CHICKENS WERE CHICKEN

AND YOU WERE MY FORK AND FED ME THE WORLD

HAPPY FATHERS DAY 1 1/2 MONTHS LATE

~M~ 

FLOWER BABIES

Yesterday I ate a ham it was a good ham.  One time I went for a walk in the woods and I fond a little flower and I named it Herherherman.  Herherherman was a nice flower but sometimes Herherherman was sad because Herherherman couldn't go for walks like I could.  I pulled Herherherman out fo the ground and encouraged him to walk but he died.  Herherherman is dead. 

EMAILS TO DAD

I SENT THESE EMAILS TO DAD TODAY


I AM A FETUS WITH AN IPHONE


PEER INTO MY LIFE!!!!

~M~

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BLOG ON THE GO IM GOOD WITH LOTS OF THINGS BUT NOT WITH BLOGGING ON THE GO I ONCE HEARD A WISE MAN SAY THAT MONKEYS ON YOUR BACK MAKE YOU RUN FASTER SO ALL THE PROBLEMS I HAVE PUSH ME CLOSER TO THE LORD DO YOU HAVE ANY HUMMUS I LOVE HUMMUS IT'S MADE FROM CHICKPEAS CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICKPEAS

Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 1, 2011, at 4:39 PM, DAD wrote:

PLEASE put this on your blog. 

On Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 12:19 PM, BABY M  wrote:

FOR LUNCH I WANT TACOS THE KIND WITH SHREDDED CHEESE AND MEAT I LIKE MEAT ONE TIME I MET A COW NAMED BIG CHARLES HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND ONE DAY I HIT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND COOKED HIM AND MADE TACOS OUT OF HIM IT WAS DELICIOUS BIG CHARLES WAS THE MOST DELICIOUS FRIEND I EVER HAD I AM GOING TO A BEACH FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS BABY LOVES TO DRINK MARGARITAS THEY REALLY HELP ME LET MY HAIR DOWN SHIMMY AND JUST LIVE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DAD SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU JUST GOT TO LIVE AND NOT GIVE A SHIT YOU HEAR ME GIRL PREACH IT TO THE PEOPLE

Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 1, 2011, at 2:49 PM, DAD wrote:

Please post this on your blog.

On Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 11:47 AM, BABY M wrote:

TODAY I ATE FIVE ORANGES I LIKE ORANGES THEY ARE MY FAVORITE FOOD AFTER PILLS AND HAM I LOVE PILLS AND HAM TODAY I TRIED COFFEE MOM SAYS CAWFEE BECAUSE HE IS FROM NEW JERSEY I DIDN'T LIKE MY BARISTA HIS NAME WAS SANDY AND HE SAID I WAS TOO YOUNG FOR COFFEE AND I SAID "SUGAR THIS BITCH AIN'T TOO YOUNG FOR NOTHING" AND I SLAPPED SANDY SO HARD IN THE FACE IT MADE ME SO HAPPY I AM GOING TO RIDE A TRICYCLE TODAY I PUSHED A LITTLE KID NAMED HOWARD OFF HIS AND TOOK HIS. BYE.

Sent from my iPhone

DANCERS

I like dancers

I once met a dancing porcupine named Beezus and Beezus really knew how to move.

I like to shimmy, it burns calories and makes your joints smile like I smile when I see a sunrise, or a cliff, or a burnt piece of bread.


Tomorrow I am going to learn how to ride a whale.  I hate that.

~M~

HAMMERS

EVERY good fetus needs a collection and I have decided I want to collect hammers.

They come in a lot of shapes and I like them but mostly they come in hammer shapes.


You can pound things, put things together with nails, play a song on a wall, dance with a hammer, and you can name a hammer Williamsburg and make it you best friend.

But then one day you will come home and find Williamsburg in the hands of another and you will hate Williamsburg.


I am very warm in my mom right now, he drank a lot of wine last night and I have anice buzz.


~M~

ANTS

I AM SCARED OF ANTS.  I do not like them.  They have little faces that can't be trusted.

Last time I was eating a breadcrumb this ant named Mertle took it.  I swear if I see Mertle again I will give him a STERN STERN STERN talking to.

I would like soup and a mallet.

~M~

LUXURY

I AM A FETUS who loves LUXURIOUS things.


I love to sit in comfortable chairs, watch animals sing, and roll dice (3 at a time!)


Yesterday I met a whale named Cordial and he taught me how to blow water out of my nose and a prayer - I hate Cordial.


I am about to take a nap and dream of orange juice, tigers, and big crescent rolls.

Bye

~M~

ADDICTION

SORRY for not posting for a while.  I was suffering from a horrible addiction to diet pills and ham.  I LOVE ham but I want to stay fit and thin, but I took it to EXTREMES.  But thanks to rehab and a great doctor (a large puzzle turtle named Ether) I am back on track.

This week I am learning about shapes.  I think triangles are my favorite.  They remind me of the trinity, three apples, doorstops, and puzzle turtles.


Tomorrow I am dreaming about apple picking, that will be fun.

Bye 


~M~

COOKIES

This weekend I learned how to make cookies. I made oatmeal cookies. I made sugar cookies. I made ham cookies.  They were gross but my favorite.  I love ham.

Today I am tired so I made a womb hammock I like to sleep in, it is warm and cozy. 

I am trying to learn french. Oui.  French.

I am developing thumbs, I like to give thumbs up to people - it means have a happy day and that's what I want for everyone

Bye

Meringue

BABY'S DAY OUT

MY MOM has been drinking too much again and when he does I like to EJECT myself from the womb and go on little adventures.


Today I went golfing with a squirrel, sat on a tea pot, watched yarn being made, and learned the names of all of my teeth and the location of my TASTE BUDS.


My favorite taste is salty.  I like pretzels, salt, and soup.


Tomorrow I am learning how to somersault - it scares me but I like to learn.  But I don't like to learn.


HAPPY WEEKEND WORLD 


~M~

LEMON ZEST

SORRY for the delay followers.

Today I decided my favorite fruit is lemon because it has a rind and it is sour.  So are limes but they lack the zest I need that makes this fetus really spin inside my mommy.


Also I learned things like this.


:) is a smiley face


2 plus 2 is 4


alphabet is abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz


hi in french is bonjour


my teeth aren't teeth yet


hamburgers are made of a burger and a bun not ham (UNFORTUNATELY)


AND


elizabeth taylor is dead


I will dance tonight inside mommy because he has been grumpy so i wont let him sleep

~meringue~

MISSION

I WOKE UP early this morning and hopped out of my mommy's body and put on my best suit because I had an important mission to do.

I needed to go to 4 grocery stores and draw smiley faces on all the avocados I could get my hand on.

My mommy really loves guacamole and she has been kinda sad lately so NOW when she makes it she will see a smiley face on her fruit and SHE will smile.  I love that.

I also wanted to try a bag of skittles but I didn't like them.  They tasted processed and unhealthy.  Not good for a growing fetus!

I snuck back into my mom and now I am playing Church with my dolls.  PRAY DOLLS.

MONDAYS

I HAVE A CASE OF THE MONDAYS

I meant to post earlier but me and my friend Karl, an enormous ant, were carrying things much heavier than ourselves.  He is good at it but sometimes my head gets crushed so I wear a purple helmet and special shoes.

For lunch today I ate more ham, I love ham.  Also I had 100 cupcakes last night and saved one for Daddy, she will lovvvvve it.

I WANT MORE FOLLOWERS

~

LORD

Sundays are the LORD'S DAY - I like to unwind after a long Sunday being a fetus by telling myself stories.  I love stories.  I told myself this story today.

Once there was a fetus named Meringue who loved buttons.  He would collect buttons, carry buttons, think about buttons, and love buttons.  Today he got four buttons and numbered them 1, 2, 87, and 4.  He loves them.

That was my favorite story I ever told myself.

My head hurts.

~

HAM

For the next one hundred days or minutes I will only eat HAM - I love ham.

I have a friend in here named Feeble who is a pig with multiple legs, 4 to be exact.  He allows me bite him and I like the way he tastes.  I will eat all of his friends and family members.  Feeble will not mind.

I also love taxes.

~

SHAKING!

I love shaking! 

I shake all the time it is a good way to stay a fit fetus, have fun, and dance!  SHIMMY SHIMMY - my friend marble dances with me.  Marble is a giant tennis ball with a heart of gold.  I love marble.

I will also roll around hills tonight, because it is saturday.  It is not monday, tuesday, wednesday, friday, thursday, or sunday.  It is saturday.

I LOVE THE WORLD

~M~

HATS

I have to say something, I really love hats.

I love round hats, windmills, corn, and all hats.

I do not really like shoes - I feel like they stifle my creativity and my sense of self.

I also like dresses, gowns, tuxedos, and scarecrow costumes.  Sometimes I dress like a scarecrow and call myself SCAREMERINGUE

Bye

~

LOVE

I LOVE BOTH OF MY PARENTS


I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GENDER ROLES

MY DAD IS CARRYING ME IN HIS WOMB AND I CALL HIM MOMMA


MY MOM IS NOT AND I CALL HER DADDY


It can be confusing but I like to express myself in a variety of ways


Life is about LOVE and JOY


This weekend I plan on thinking about my favorite type of dog. I like the ones with heads best.

~

HI WORLD

HELLO WORLD - 

My name is MERINGUE  I am a fetus with a lot of attitude.  I am growing inside my Daddy and learning all about things like walking through shrubs, sitting in trees, and waves.  I am making lots of friends in here who I will introduce you to.  A lot of them are animals but some of them are not animals.


I will be back soon to share my adventures!  I am a baby!


~MERINGUE~